I really hate this standstill in life. No matter What we do its never enough We are always to blame. Me who pays things and her who handles things. its fucking bullshit. No matter how much i fake a smile at work my friends can tell I'm upset even if I'm not willing to share.

How do I know? Shawntee asking me "Hows everything at home?" out of the blue the day before yesterday. They know I'm miserable at times but its not me whos really miserable I feel horrible about stupidity, I feel like I should be able to stand up and speak what I want to that person but yet and still I know its no good. I feel I should be trying to find a backup plan...but we came back here becuase we had no more backups....

...Welcome back to Hell little lady. let the shit storm begin. Were all we have girls, we need to take care of the boys and stay off radar....god I hate this its so depressing when its not making me irate.

there are things you dont speak of with friends, Politics, relgion and her. Yes Ri, I did just plug another old ass country song but I feel we should, Politics is the only way this world will surive right now anarchist or not we need one of those fuckers to fix our economy. Lets be honest I support Obama. I have no real relgious beleifs half the time but I have a vast knowlage of Christian mythology from the people I play and a book Ive been working off and on aagin with Shiny. So I can talk it up about Jesus like the religion nuts, they dont realize how unfaithful I truely am. and then last Her.

Well anyone involved knows...

STOP HURTING EACH OTHER!

Remember what I told you outside woman...I hold to that shit, I don't back down either. Think of me as the creepy viewer who will send actors death threats if I don't like the scene. I demand a rewrite. I vote for an epic threesome

Believe it or not, I love no one. I am empty onside, false smiles and happy things to say. How does anyone not see this? I feel like Gokudera in my head wishing I could blow everyone up but on the outside I am Tsuna, just smile and tell people what they want to hear because I'm to big of a loser to say anything else. I'm sick of it. I want to spill blood, I want to scream and throw things, I wantt o be that girl from my past. I want to be the bitch who beat her brothers head into the door...

where did she go? So damn independable...fuck this.

Work wise, I work straight to monday I'll probally work monday too. I except my fate. I'm sleeping a lot more again a straight up sign of depression and laziness...I'm gaining weight too, maybe not gaining weight but my clothes dont fit right I'm getting fat...yeah It was bound to happen...

I think I should cut all my hair off and dye it black...I dont know I think its time I show how I feel on the inside on the outside. I'm tired of everyone suffering, I'm tired of always being broke...I want to have money to spend on Shiny and myself...not just taking care of the bills... I feel like I'm working to pay the neverending bills.

I dont think were ever moving. I'm going to mess up my side of the room. Let someone say something to me besides SHiny. Lets see if I can bitch them out.


Thank you magichour and bby Your both so good to me. I love you both more then anyone else. Thank you.